Monday, September 11, 2006 Y
i lose someone important today .
he's the one i love the most .
and now im asking myself what's love?
10 months of relationship, he's letting go of it again .
yet this time rd, i didn't cry like before .
i knw im stronger nw, but to when?
"kiki, you got to be strong, don't let ppl worry 'bout u like before"
break-up till now, i've been telling myself this .
i've been surpressing it, only now can i let those tears roll down my cheeks .
i use to see him tell others tt he'll lend his shoulders when they need to cry,
and yet when i needed it, he's nt there .
nv once can i cry on his shoulders, pourin all my unhappiness out to him .
i try today, but it fail again like usual .
he say im irritating and so i say for the last time right ?
i didn't blame him .
i jus didn't wan him to blame my mother .
yes, she's at fault .
but to what extend?
motherly love is presence and she did it to protect me .
which parents doesn't protect their children ?
u hurt me so many times, yet she forgive and forgive u each time .
no matter rain or shine, she'll still buy food for u when u're hungry ;
scare u nt enough money, cigg when u go out ;
pour u water when u're thirsty ;
try to communicate with u ;
try her best to pls u ;
cos she treat u like her son .
nt becos of me .
but u disappoint her, times and again .
THINK !
when u came back, did she nag ; scold ; gan u why u treat me tt way ?
no .
she even talk to u nicely .
and she even say sry .
think, a mother saying sry to someone who hurt her daughter .
he say smth .
he say he didn't cry for me .
10 months of relationship meant what to him ?
then what 'bout me ?
my feelings , my life ?
i really wonder did u really TRUELY love me ?
where're you when i need ur shoulder;
where're you when i need ur care;
where're you when i need ur console;
and u gt the heart to slap me .
i was trying to see whether will u .
and u slap .
i couldn't even bear to slap u .
u say u wouldn't save me if i drop into the sea .
but u knw what?
i'll save u .
when i was sick, did u care for me ?
or did u even knw ?
all these things make me realise i love u much more then u love me .
but i nv regret and i did it all willingly ,
even if i knw u didn' even love me at all .
so i ask him "did u love me this 10 months?"
he say ya .
yes, he love me .
but he doesn't love me wholeheartly .
i wasn't his definite answer, wasn't his true love, wasn't his life partner .
his friendster, his msn, his everything told me tt .
his friendster referring to other gers .
my name was on a normal place on his msn list .
he doesn't like spenting money on me .
he doesn't take neo-prints with me .
he doesn't like me for who i m .
he trying to knw more gals .
but i kept quiet all the while, silently tryin to the perfect girl for him .
but i guess i fail ?
i lose him eventually .
stop crying kiki .
u knew this will happen from the beginning .
u knew he'll still leave u .
don't cry .
frm now,
i'll try my best to forget, forget everything .
i must forget .
his smell , his slpin look , his niao niao .
all those memories ,
it's so difficult .
my 10 months daily life .
it's all gone .
his gentleness , his soft snoring , how he talk when he was slpin .
i really cant forget , how to forget ?
someone teach me pls .
x(
{{ 9/11/2006 02:37:00 AM -
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